Feelings & Needs

Feelings

It can be hard to think of the right words to describe feelings for ourselves, let alone to guess how someone else is feeling.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication publishes a nice Feelings Inventory list:

• Downloaod CNVC Feelings Inventory PDF
• CNVC Needs Inventory PDF
• Communication Dojo Finger-Pointing Feelings PDF

Positive Feelings

Feelings when your needs are satisfied:

AFFECTIONATE compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm

ENGAGED absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated

HOPEFUL expectant encouraged optimistic

CONFIDENT empowered open proud safe secure

EXCITED amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant

GRATEFUL appreciative moved thankful touched

INSPIRED amazed awed wonder

JOYFUL amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled

EXHILARATED blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled

PEACEFUL calm clear headed comfortable centered content equanimous fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting

REFRESHED enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revive

Negative Feelings

Feelings when your needs are not satisfied

AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried

ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked

ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful

AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed

CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn

DISCONNECTED alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn

DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset

EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious

FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out

PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful

SAD depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched

TENSE anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out

VULNERABLE fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky

YEARNING envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful

Finger-Pointing Negative Feelings

Finger pointing feeling words imply an accusation that triggers defensiveness more than empathy and clouds the difference between observations and how we feel about them.

abandoned, abused, ambushed, attacked, belittled, betrayed, blamed, boxed-in, bullied, caged, called out, cheated, co-opted, coerced, cornered, criticized, diminished,
dismissed, disrespected, harassed, ignored, insulted, interrupted, intimidated, invalidated, invisible, isolated, judged, left out, let down, manipulated, micro-managed, mistrusted, misunderstood, neglected, overpowered, overworked, patronized, pressured, provoked, put down, rejected, ripped off, screwed, set up, smothered, suffocated, taken advantage of, taken for granted, threatened, trampled, unfairly treated, tricked, unaccepted, unappreciated, unheard, unloved, unseen, unsupported, unwanted, used, victimized,
violated, wronged

*RECEIVING THESE WORDS: If other people use these words, we recommend being curious and
empathetic about their observations (what is leading them to say they feel… “abandoned,”
“cheated,” etc.?), feelings, needs and requests.
*EXPRESSING THESE WORDS: If you answer the question “How am I feeling?” with one of these
words we recommend you “dive into it” and ask:
“When I say I’m feeling this “finger-pointing” or “umbrella” feeling:
* What did I observe that led me to use this word?
* What other feelings am I feeling at the same time? (we recommend using an NVC feelings
list)
* What are my unmet needs? (we recommend using an NVC needs list)
* Do I have any requests aimed at meeting these needs?
* PRACTICE EXERCISE: Try expressing the full range of other feelings and unmet needs you’ve identified, together with any
related observations and requests, rather than expressing the “finger-pointing” or “umbrella” word.

Needs
Describing what you need can be harder than just describing the feeling. CNVC has a Needs Inventory] list as well.

CONNECTION
acceptance
affection
appreciation
belonging
cooperation
communication
closeness
community
companionship
compassion
consideration
consistency
empathy
inclusion
intimacy
love
mutuality
nurturing
respect/self-respect
safety
security
stability
support
to know and be known
to see and be seen
to understand and
be understood
trust
warmth

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
air
food
movement/exercise
rest/sleep
sexual expression
safety
shelter
touch
water

HONESTY
authenticity
integrity
presence

PLAY
joy
humor

PEACE
beauty
communion
ease
equality
harmony
inspiration
order

AUTONOMY
choice
freedom
independence
space
spontaneity

MEANING
awareness
celebration of life
challenge
clarity
competence
consciousness
contribution
creativity
discovery
efficacy
effectiveness
growth
hope
learning
mourning
participation
purpose
self-expression
stimulation
to matter
understanding