Nthmosts Open Letter to Noisebridge: Difference between revisions
(Initial publication: Open letter about emotional labor and community care following January 2026 events) |
(Major revision: abstract from immediate reactions to broader patterns about emotional labor, justice-oriented people, and community care) |
||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
= | = An Open Letter About Emotional Labor and Community Care = | ||
''Written January 9, 2026, following the events documented in [[Meeting Notes 2026 01 06]]'' | |||
== On Carrying Collective Grief == | |||
For an entire month I carried the collective grief of a community that had lost faith in anarchy itself due to its inability to act on a very tricky situation. | |||
A community that has lost several good members to this situation, people whose belief and love for Noisebridge were the strongest of any of us. | A community that has lost several good members to this situation, people whose belief and love for Noisebridge were the strongest of any of us. | ||
| Line 13: | Line 11: | ||
That's GRIEF that has to be processed. Relational loss. Guilt, shame, all the rest. It's not MINE but I carried over a dozen individuals' grief to be able to act. | That's GRIEF that has to be processed. Relational loss. Guilt, shame, all the rest. It's not MINE but I carried over a dozen individuals' grief to be able to act. | ||
I'm still carrying it. | I'm still carrying it. I haven't had a chance to discharge it yet. | ||
This is what it looks like when someone exercises do-ocratic authority in a community conflict: you absorb the emotional weight that everyone else was unable or unwilling to carry. | |||
'''See also:''' [[Anarchy_Paralysis|Anarchy Paralysis]] | |||
---- | |||
== On Boundaries During Recovery == | |||
When you're carrying this kind of load, you need space to process. That means: | |||
Emotions are real things | * Being terse or wanting to be left alone isn't personal | ||
* Emotions are real things - they need time and space to move through | |||
* Boundaries may seem arbitrary to others but they're survival mechanisms | |||
* Asking someone to explain or justify their boundaries is asking them to do more emotional labor | |||
What helps: presence, acknowledgement, simple human connection. Hugs. Chats about weather and nice hiking spots. | |||
What doesn't help: requiring explanations, debating boundaries, or treating emotional needs as inconvenient. | |||
---- | ---- | ||
== | == On Discomfort With Care == | ||
Many people in this community care deeply about Noisebridge and other people, yet are simultaneously very uncomfortable with expressions of need for care. | |||
Some will feel uncomfortable with the fact that the care I took on was a direct result of their failure to act. | |||
I did this knowing where I'd end up. Voluntarily. Because I care about this community. | |||
There's no debt here unless people stick their heads in the sand. The way to demonstrate understanding of the load taken on is simply: show up. Be present. Practice relational care. | |||
I am capable of holding many people's struggles. I also need to be held. | |||
---- | ---- | ||
== | == On Justice-Oriented People and Bad Faith Actors == | ||
'''A pattern I've observed:''' Justice-oriented people don't respect their own feelings enough to report on them. They'll report on others' feelings, but not their own. They tell themselves they're being fair, being patient, not overreacting. | |||
This creates a dangerous opening: Bad faith actors can leverage the community's safety protocols for their own gain, knowing that justice-minded people will sublimate their feelings on the mistaken notion that it "has to get really bad" before they want to "make a big deal about it." People committed to equity bend over backwards to doubt their own perceptions and minimize their own harm. | |||
This is how missing stairs form. This is how communities lose good people while protecting harmful ones. | |||
Your feelings matter. Your discomfort is data. You don't need it to "get really bad" before you're allowed to name what you're experiencing. | |||
---- | |||
== On Patterns of Emotional Labor == | |||
'''Common anti-pattern:''' "Don't burn out!" | |||
This advice puts the burden right back onto people who actually do the work. What's needed isn't warnings about burnout - it's acknowledgement, support, and modeling of relational care. | |||
If this community wants to get better at not sublimating bad feelings until they become crises that require emergency intervention, then the entire system needs to get better at acknowledging and relating feelings in real time. | |||
'''See:''' [[Restorative_Communication|Restorative Communication]] | |||
---- | ---- | ||
== | == Conclusion == | ||
This will pass. I will not feel this way forever. But the patterns that created this situation will repeat unless the community learns to: | |||
* Recognize emotional labor as real labor | |||
* Practice care for those who do difficult community work | |||
* Address conflicts before they become crises | |||
* Get comfortable with feelings - both others' and their own | |||
* Trust that justice-oriented people's feelings are valid data, not selfishness | |||
Anarchy works when we practice distributed authority. That includes distributing the emotional work of maintaining community, not leaving it to whoever is willing to carry it alone. | |||
Revision as of 02:12, 10 January 2026
An Open Letter About Emotional Labor and Community Care
Written January 9, 2026, following the events documented in Meeting Notes 2026 01 06
On Carrying Collective Grief
For an entire month I carried the collective grief of a community that had lost faith in anarchy itself due to its inability to act on a very tricky situation.
A community that has lost several good members to this situation, people whose belief and love for Noisebridge were the strongest of any of us.
That's GRIEF that has to be processed. Relational loss. Guilt, shame, all the rest. It's not MINE but I carried over a dozen individuals' grief to be able to act.
I'm still carrying it. I haven't had a chance to discharge it yet.
This is what it looks like when someone exercises do-ocratic authority in a community conflict: you absorb the emotional weight that everyone else was unable or unwilling to carry.
See also: Anarchy Paralysis
On Boundaries During Recovery
When you're carrying this kind of load, you need space to process. That means:
- Being terse or wanting to be left alone isn't personal
- Emotions are real things - they need time and space to move through
- Boundaries may seem arbitrary to others but they're survival mechanisms
- Asking someone to explain or justify their boundaries is asking them to do more emotional labor
What helps: presence, acknowledgement, simple human connection. Hugs. Chats about weather and nice hiking spots.
What doesn't help: requiring explanations, debating boundaries, or treating emotional needs as inconvenient.
On Discomfort With Care
Many people in this community care deeply about Noisebridge and other people, yet are simultaneously very uncomfortable with expressions of need for care.
Some will feel uncomfortable with the fact that the care I took on was a direct result of their failure to act.
I did this knowing where I'd end up. Voluntarily. Because I care about this community.
There's no debt here unless people stick their heads in the sand. The way to demonstrate understanding of the load taken on is simply: show up. Be present. Practice relational care.
I am capable of holding many people's struggles. I also need to be held.
On Justice-Oriented People and Bad Faith Actors
A pattern I've observed: Justice-oriented people don't respect their own feelings enough to report on them. They'll report on others' feelings, but not their own. They tell themselves they're being fair, being patient, not overreacting.
This creates a dangerous opening: Bad faith actors can leverage the community's safety protocols for their own gain, knowing that justice-minded people will sublimate their feelings on the mistaken notion that it "has to get really bad" before they want to "make a big deal about it." People committed to equity bend over backwards to doubt their own perceptions and minimize their own harm.
This is how missing stairs form. This is how communities lose good people while protecting harmful ones.
Your feelings matter. Your discomfort is data. You don't need it to "get really bad" before you're allowed to name what you're experiencing.
On Patterns of Emotional Labor
Common anti-pattern: "Don't burn out!"
This advice puts the burden right back onto people who actually do the work. What's needed isn't warnings about burnout - it's acknowledgement, support, and modeling of relational care.
If this community wants to get better at not sublimating bad feelings until they become crises that require emergency intervention, then the entire system needs to get better at acknowledging and relating feelings in real time.
See: Restorative Communication
Conclusion
This will pass. I will not feel this way forever. But the patterns that created this situation will repeat unless the community learns to:
- Recognize emotional labor as real labor
- Practice care for those who do difficult community work
- Address conflicts before they become crises
- Get comfortable with feelings - both others' and their own
- Trust that justice-oriented people's feelings are valid data, not selfishness
Anarchy works when we practice distributed authority. That includes distributing the emotional work of maintaining community, not leaving it to whoever is willing to carry it alone.