Feelings & Needs

Feelings

It can be hard to think of the right words to describe feelings for ourselves, let alone to guess how someone else is feeling.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication publishes a nice Feelings Inventory list:

• Downloaod CNVC Feelings Inventory PDF
• CNVC Needs Inventory PDF
• Communication Dojo Finger-Pointing Feelings PDF

Positive Feelings

Feelings when your needs are satisfied:

AFFECTIONATE compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm

ENGAGED absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated

HOPEFUL expectant encouraged optimistic

CONFIDENT empowered open proud safe secure

EXCITED amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant

GRATEFUL appreciative moved thankful touched

INSPIRED amazed awed wonder

JOYFUL amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled

EXHILARATED blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled

PEACEFUL calm clear headed comfortable centered content equanimous fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting

REFRESHED enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revive

Negative Feelings

Feelings when your needs are not satisfied

AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried

ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked

ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful

AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed

CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn

DISCONNECTED alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn

DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset

EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious

FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out

PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful

SAD depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched

TENSE anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out

VULNERABLE fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky

YEARNING envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful

Finger-Pointing Negative Feelings

Finger pointing feeling words imply an accusation that triggers defensiveness more than empathy and clouds the difference between observations and how we feel about them.

abandoned abused ambushed attacked belittled betrayed blamed boxed-in bullied caged called out cheated co-opted coerced cornered criticized diminished dismissed disrespected harassed ignored

insulted interrupted intimidated invalidated invisible isolated judged left out let down manipulated micro-managed mistrusted misunderstood neglected overpowered overworked patronized pressured provoked put down rejected

ripped off screwed set up smothered suffocated taken advantageof taken for granted threatened trampled unfairly treated tricked unaccepted unappreciated unheard unloved unseen unsupported unwanted used victimized violated wronged

Needs

Describing what you need can be harder than just describing the feeling. CNVC has a Needs Inventory] list as well.

CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water

HONESTY authenticity integrity presence

PLAY joy humor

PEACE beauty communion ease equality harmony inspiration order

AUTONOMY choice freedom independence space spontaneity

MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding