Missing Stair: Difference between revisions

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(Add "Cost of Social Routing" section (bandwidth exhaustion, packet loss, system crash) and "Recognition: Signs of a Missing Stair")
(Redirect to Excellent Hacker Fallacy (Noisebridge-originated concept))
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= Missing Stair =
#REDIRECT [[Excellent Hacker Fallacy]]


== Routing Around Damage ==
{{R from alternative name}}
 
"The Internet interprets censorship as damage and routes around it." - John Gilmore
 
When a network node fails or a connection is censored, packets automatically reroute through working paths. No central authority decides this - it's distributed, automatic, resilient. The network keeps functioning.
 
Community social routing works this way too -- but at a huge cost.
 
== The Missing Stair Metaphor ==
 
Imagine a house with a broken stair. Everyone who lives there knows about it. They've learned to step over it automatically. They warn newcomers: "watch out for that step." But nobody fixes it.
 
'''A missing stair is a person in a community whose harmful behavior is worked around rather than addressed.'''
 
The term originated in a 2012 blog post describing known sexual predators in social communities - people everyone knew were dangerous, but instead of removing them, the community developed workarounds:
 
* Don't let new women be alone with him
* Warn people privately at events
* Create buddy systems
* Just avoid him if you can
 
The metaphor has since been generalized to describe anyone whose repeated harmful behavior is tolerated and routed around rather than confronted.
 
== The Range of Harm ==
 
Missing stairs exist on a spectrum:
 
'''SEVERE HARM''' (original usage)
 
* Sexual harassment or assault
* Physical violence or threats
* Predatory behavior toward vulnerable people
* Targeted harassment campaigns
* Stalking
 
'''PERSISTENT HARM'''
 
* Bullying or intimidation patterns
* Discriminatory behavior
* Abuse of power or authority
* Weaponizing community processes
* Monopolizing resources/spaces to exclude others
 
'''CHRONIC DYSFUNCTION'''
 
* Repeated conflict escalation
* Inability to collaborate constructively
* Consistent boundary violations
* Draining disproportionate community resources
 
The severity varies, but the pattern is the same: the community routes around the person instead of addressing the harm.
 
== Why Routing Happens Instead of Fixing ==
 
'''FEAR OF CONSEQUENCES'''
 
* The person might retaliate
* The person might claim victimhood
* The confrontation could split the community
* Legal concerns (defamation, liability)
* The person is "useful" in other ways
 
'''DIFFUSION OF RESPONSIBILITY'''
 
No single person feels responsible for addressing it. Everyone assumes:
 
* Someone else will handle it
* Someone with more authority should act
* It's not bad enough for me to say something
* Other people seem okay with it
 
'''NORMALIZATION'''
 
The longer the routing continues:
 
* The behavior becomes "just how they are"
* New people learn the workarounds without questioning them
* The routing becomes invisible infrastructure
* Addressing it feels like making a big deal out of nothing
 
== The Cost of Social Routing ==
 
=== BANDWIDTH EXHAUSTION ===
 
Every person who routes around the problem pays a cost:
 
* Remember who the problem person is
* Modify their own behavior around them
* Warn others (often repeatedly, as new people arrive)
* Absorb the extra friction and vigilance
* Manage their own feelings about the situation
* Question whether they're overreacting
 
This isn't one-time work. It's continuous, cumulative labor. Eventually people run out of capacity.
 
=== PACKET LOSS ===
 
Some people can't or won't do the routing work. They just leave. The community loses:
 
* People who had the worst interactions (often those most vulnerable)
* Contributors who encountered the problem early and bounced
* People who came with energy and left depleted
* Those who care enough to be hurt by the dysfunction
 
Often these are exactly the people the community can't afford to lose. The missing stair acts as a filter, selecting against certain types of people - frequently those from marginalized groups the community claims to want.
 
=== ROUTING OVERHEAD ===
 
The workarounds themselves become significant work:
 
* Buddy systems for events
* Informal warning networks that must be maintained
* Projects redesigned to exclude the person
* Event planning adjusted around their presence/absence
* Constant background vigilance
* Emotional labor of deciding who to warn and how
 
The community spends more energy managing the problem than it would take to address it directly.
 
=== BANDWIDTH MONOPOLIZATION ===
 
One person consumes disproportionate resources:
 
* Leadership attention and time
* Conflict resolution energy
* Community discussion cycles
* Emotional labor from multiple people simultaneously
* Physical space (if they monopolize certain areas/tools)
 
Legitimate community work gets deprioritized. The missing stair becomes the organizing principle.
 
=== ROUTING TABLE CORRUPTION ===
 
The informal warning system has failure modes:
 
* Not everyone gets warned (especially new people, marginalized people, people outside certain social circles)
* Warnings get softened ("they're just awkward" vs "they're predatory")
* Information gets lost as people leave
* The reasons for the warnings get forgotten over time
* People question whether the warnings are fair without the full context
 
=== CENSORSHIP ENFORCEMENT ===
 
The self-censorship that created the routing becomes permanent:
 
* "We've tolerated this for years, why act now?"
* "Everyone knows how to handle them"
* "It works fine if you just avoid X/Y/Z"
* Direct naming of the problem becomes taboo
* New people learn that questioning the workarounds isn't done
 
The routing is now load-bearing. Removing it feels more dangerous than keeping it.
 
=== SYSTEM CRASH ===
 
Eventually one of several things happens:
 
* Enough people leave that the community dies or fundamentally changes
* Someone burns out catastrophically trying to manage the situation
* The harmful person causes damage severe enough that it can't be routed around
* External pressure forces action (legal, financial, reputational)
* New leadership doesn't know/respect the routing and breaks the unspoken rules
 
At this point the community must either address the damage directly or accept permanent dysfunction.
 
== Recognition: Signs of a Missing Stair ==
 
=== COMMUNITY-LEVEL INDICATORS ===
 
* Private warning networks exist ("don't work alone with X")
* People use careful language around certain topics/people
* Attendance patterns shift when the person is/isn't present
* Certain spaces or activities become de facto off-limits to some
* Newcomers receive warnings without context
* Long-term members have elaborate strategies for "managing" the person
* Good contributors quietly stop participating
* The community can describe the problem in detail but won't act on it
 
=== INDIVIDUAL-LEVEL INDICATORS ===
 
You might be witnessing a missing stair if you:
 
* Receive vague warnings about someone ("just be careful around them")
* Notice people avoiding certain situations involving this person
* Hear multiple similar stories from different people
* Feel gaslit when the person's public persona doesn't match private warnings
* See elaborate social choreography around the person
* Notice your gut reaction is being explained away by others or yourself
 
=== SEVERE HARM INDICATORS ===
 
Some specific signs that require immediate action:
 
* Pattern of people from marginalized groups leaving after interactions with this person
* Multiple reports of sexual harassment/assault
* Threats or intimidation
* Behavior that would be criminal outside the community context
* Targeting of vulnerable/new community members

Latest revision as of 17:41, 2 February 2026

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